all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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