I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
