P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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