Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
