Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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