You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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