no, he came in my armpit
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
