she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
