Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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