I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
