I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
