I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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