She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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