Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
