I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
