is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
