maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
