Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
