I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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