I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
