dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
