good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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