At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
