You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
