the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my sisters under your porch take her home
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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