forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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