tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
