i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
