After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
