Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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