He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
