Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
we should paint friendship bongs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
