I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
