no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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