Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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