ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
