I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
