Are we in a gay sports bar?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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