Will you blow on my dice?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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