Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
