I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
