And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
