went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
