I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
