If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
