If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
