When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
