And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
