there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
