Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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