Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
