Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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