recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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